This is a great place to showcase pseudo timers. I ended up using 4 completely different kinds! Free oscillation, unstable equilibrium, slow friction, and tension triggered.
The ending is supposedly 3/5, but since that was nearly a month ago I'll assume that's a typo. Two days left in a B league seems a good time to get to the gritty bit, so let's bump this up to a nice, round $1800+ , eh?